For a lot of people my
age, confidence comes by naturally, but for me. It was something I had to work
on. Being picked on every day throughout my childhood by my brother and
classmates is possibly the major cause of my lack of confidence. Ha! Probably?
It is! There wasn’t a day at school where I didn’t get called stupid or ugly or
was even tripped on my way to the bathroom. Then when I got home, my brother
picked on my non-stop. From stealing my Barbie dolls, to constantly calling me
names (You’re such a loser Felisa! You suck at everything you do Felisa! You
look ugly today Felisa!) to the point where I would throw a tantrum and slam my
bed room door. My mother hated when we would slam doors and still does. So
whenever I slammed a door, I was grounded. And whenever I was grounded, I had
to stare at a corner for 3 hours. If I talked, another 30 minutes would be
added. Whenever my mother wasn’t looking, my brother would find a way to throw
a sock at my head, throw a rubber band, to throw anything to make me say
something so mom would add another 30 minutes to my time-out. This happened at
least once every week. All throughout middle school, I used to hate going home.
By middle school the name calling had died down a bit, but I still got grounded
because of my door slamming. I stopped with the tantrums because I was
introduced to the iPod, which helped drown out my brothers constant mocking. It
wasn’t until 10th grade that my confidence began to rise. This was
due to the fact that my brother left the island for college. But every time I
looked in the mirror, I still remembered the constant jabs from my old
classmates, “Don’t you look ugly today!” I have a feeling it’ll haunt me for
the rest of my life. I’m a senior now, and every once in a while I hear those
voices in the back of my head. Today though I’m feeling extra confident! It was
the level of “Don’t-mess-with-me-today-cause-i-will-snap-right-back-at-ya” on
the Confidence scale. That’s a pretty high level if you ask me. It’s the level
of total self-assurance without the narcissism. I don’t question my actions, I
don’t hear those voices in my head, and I just go with the flow and enjoy it.